Roll with It — The Cathie Barash Blog

At some point in our life, we all experience times when something doesn’t go our way, even when we have taken all the right actions. For instance, we might have returned to school to study a particular trade, but didn’t land our dream job right out of school. Or we might have been turned down […]

via Roll with It — The Cathie Barash Blog (continue reading)

Article: Introducing Mind-Body Bridging

 

This text is from Mind-Body Bridging Institute at http://mindbodybridging.com/more-about-mind-body-bridging/ where you can read the full article:

About Mind-Body Bridging

“Mind-Body Bridging (MBB) is based on the premise that the mind-body state hindering optimal functioning results from overactivity of a system called the Identity System (I-System). All your thoughts, emotions, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviours that limit optimal functioning are the result of an overactive I-System.

According to Dr. Stanley H. Block, developer of MBB, the human I-System evolved in order create a sense of human individuality through divisions of family, clan, religion, culture, race, nation and species. Without it, humans would lack self-interest, direction and drive. However, an overactive I-System exaggerates our sense of separateness by restricting awareness, creating anxiety and disrupting the harmony and balance of our mind-body connection. In modern society, this unfortunate condition is nearly universal.

I-System overactivity leads to a busy head and tense body, and the myriad of symptoms, conditions and diseases that accompany this high-stress and emotionally limited way of being. In short, the I- System is a built-in commotion machine, creating a life of separation and ongoing tension.

You can learn and experience how to put your I-System to rest during the activities of daily living, and achieve optimal functioning, with MBB tools. Through this management of your I-System, you can gain access to your full potential.”

 

Image: wallpaperswide.com / Dennis Skley

Article: Fifteen Common Cognitive Distortions by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

“What’s a cognitive distortion and why do so many people have them? Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.” Here is the article: http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/0002153

 

Image: Crystal Mind /Nevit Dilmen, Wikimedia Commons

Emotional Pain – To Heal It We Need to Acknowledge It, by Kai at wellbeingalignment.com

“Most of us were conditioned to believe that it isn’t okay to feel our feelings, especially the really strong emotions that threatened our caregivers’ world when we expressed them. So, sometimes unconsciously and with good intentions, they did whatever they could to influence us to bury the feelings.”

“As you begin to experience your emotional pain, remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you for having this wound. Even if your current experience was triggered by something in present time, the root of it is there because there was something that happened to you in the past that caused real, genuine pain. Therefore, it is normal, natural and HEALTHY for you to feel whatever it is that you feel.”

“You don’t need to figure out or decide what something means, whether it is something someone said or did or something you said or did, or a feeling you’re becoming aware of. Mental analysis diverts you off track and into the mind, which won’t be useful in acknowledging the emotional pain. Remember, our intention here is to acknowledge and feel the FEELING.”

Here you can read the whole article, which can be very helpful for emotional healing processes and affirming in general:

http://www.wellbeingalignment.com/emotional-pain.html

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Image: arztsamui /freedigitalphotos.net

Self Talk: How Do You Talk to Yourself? By Oliver J R Cooper

ID-100212478While we talk to other people in the external world, we are also talking to ourselves in what could be described as the internal world. And this is a dialogue that takes place from the moment one wakes up and until they go to sleep at night.But in many ways it doesn’t stop there, as one can carry this on when they are asleep. Here, one can have dreams and these can play out the same scenarios and make one feel as they did during the day. So this process can’t be stopped, but fortunately it can be changed.

And although self talk and positive thinking can appear to be the same thing, they are two different things. Positive thinking is something one generally does consciously, where as self talk is something that goes on automatically and without one having to think about it.

This could be something one notices during most moments in their life, or something they only become aware of during certain situations. In is during these situations that one knows exactly what self talk is and if it’s nurturing and kind it won’t be a problem. But if this talk is critical or abusive, it will cause all kinds of problems.Invisible

One of the reasons why it is hard to even notice this voice is because it could have been in full force for so long. And so it is not seen as an intruder and as something that doesn’t belong there, it is taken as normal.

It is the only thing one knows and therefore one has nothing to compare it with, in order to see how unhealthy this voice is. Without something to compare it with, one has no way of realising that it is not normal or healthy, it is abnormal and unhealthy.

Different Experiences

Now, for someone people, their self talk could be fine and only bring them down on the odd occasion. And there will be others who are fine in some contexts and then ‘beat themselves up’ in others. One could also be in a position where their self talk is disempowering no matter where they are or what they are doing.

So there are many different types of self talk and these can be ones that uplift someone and make them feel relaxed, calm and at peace with themselves on one side of the spectrum. And on the other side, they could lead to one feeling worthless, useless and failure for instance.

Triggers

While the voices in one’s head can create one set of problems, what adds to this are the feelings that appear as a result. One can then talk themselves into feeling a certain way. And when this process goes on out of one’s awareness, they could just end up feeling down and subdued without having any idea why.

It could something that happens so fast that one thinks it is due to an external reason. And while there could well be an external influence, it is often through how one talks to themselves as a result of what happened that made them feel as they do.

Consequences

The impact of self talk is far and wide and something that could stop someone from doing many things. One could talk themselves out of going after their dream job or career. And when it comes to talking to some they are attracted to, they could end up talking themselves out of it and not once, but on every occasion.

One could have the desire to buy something or to treat themselves and end up going without what they both need and deserve. To get things wrong form time to time and to make mistakes is part of being human, but this can cause someone to see themselves as a failure.

Outer Reflection

It has been said that we won’t let others treat us any worse than we treat ourselves. While one can’t know how someone talks to themselves, they can see what they put up with and what they don’t.

So how they let others treat them and how they treat others, is one way of seeing how someone talks to themselves. And how one is spoken to by others can gradually be internalised and become a part of them. If this is positive and empowering it won’t be a problem, but if it’s not, then one could suffer if they are around this person for too long.

Causes

This then leads to the reasons why one would talk to themselves in this way in the first place. The kind of people one has spent their time with in their adult life can lead to a healthy inner voice and to an unhealthy one. But the primary influences will be how ones caregivers responded to them and to each other when they were younger.

During ones childhood they will have many, many moments of hearing their caregiver’s voices and come to accept their reactions and responses as normal. And if these early moments were filled with love, support and encouragement on most occasions, then one is likely to be fine.

But if one was around caregivers who were critical, judgmental or shaming in most cases or at certain moments, then one could have grown up to speak to themselves in the same way.

Awareness

One of the main things here will be to notice what is going on in one’s mind and to start to observe what is taking place. This is the first stage and from here, change can take place. Fortunately self talk is not fixed and can be changed over time.

One way of doing this is to spend time with people who are supportive or loving and through being around them, one can internalise these new ways. And this could be a friend, coach, therapist or through listening to an audio book.

Another thing that might be necessary is to deal with the emotions and feelings that have been trapped in one’s body. Because even though one’s self talk can be trigger how they feel, it could be the other way around. So as one lets go of the feelings and emotions, the mind will also settle down as a result.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”

To find out more go to – http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group – https://www.facebook.com/OliverJRCooper

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Oliver_J_R_Cooper

 

Image: NJAJ /freedigitalphotos.net

Articles: Divergent and Convergent Thinking

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Click the green links of this little article puzzle to read the whole articles.

From the article: How to Understand Divergent Thinking and Convergent Thinking Michael J. Motta /voices.yahoo.com:

Convergent thinking and divergent thinking might sound complicated on the surface, and they can be when practiced, but as concepts they are fairly simple. Both styles of thought are employed in problem solving, and each may complement the other. In this article you will learn the difference between convergent thinking and divergent thinking, and also how the two types may best complement each other.

1. Understand Convergent Thinking

This is perhaps the more predominant style of thinking in contemporary technological society. In convergent thought, we locate a problem at the “center” of our focus and then gather peripheral resources to bear down on the problem. So then our resources “converge” on the problem. Often times with convergent thinking, there is a single best solution that is sought. An example of convergent thinking might involve taking a multiple choice test in which there is a single “correct” answer. The test-taker brings knowledge from outside of the problem (perhaps learned in a course) and converges it all onto the problem in order to choose the correct answer.

“The deductive logic that the fictional character Sherlock Holmes used is a good convergent thinking example. Gathering various tidbits of facts and data he was able to put the pieces of a puzzle together and come up with a logical answer to the question: Who done it?” – From the article: Convergent Thinking,  Chuck Clayton /articlecity.com

2. Understand Divergent Thinking

Divergent thinking involves some stimulus, which can take the form of a problem, and we can locate this at the center, as we did with convergent thinking above. However, the procedure is different. Rather than gathering information and converging it on the central problem, we branch off (diverge) and shoot for novel ideas, new perspectives and creativity. Instead of a single correct answer, there may be a whole host of possibilities. An example of using divergent thinking might involve taking an open-ended test that asks how many uses one can imagine for various (often mundane) objects. What can you do with a pencil? A string? A rock?

“Einstein was a strong divergent thinker. He asked simple questions and then did mental exercises to solve problems. For example, as a young man Einstein asked himself what it would be like to ride on a beam of light. It took him many years of thought experiments, however the answer helped him develop the special theory of relativity. Thought experiments are imagined scenarios to understand the way things are.” – From the article: Convergent Thinking,  Chuck Clayton /articlecity.com

“Divergent thinking opens the imagination to all possibilities, while convergent thinking analyzes and chooses from among those possibilities. In a sense, divergent and convergent thinking are the Yin and Yang of creative problem solving. Neither is superior to the other – simply more appropriate for the task at hand.” – From the article: The Power of Divergent and Convergent Thinking – Guide Your Group’s Thinking Process to New Heights By Keith Harmeyer /ezinearticles.com

 

“In their book Breakpoint and Beyond, George Land and Beth Jarman describe a longitudinal study they conducted on 1,600 kindergarden children aged three to five. They gave them eight tests on divergent thinking and an astonishing 98 per cent of the children scored within the creative genius category.

Five years later, they re-tested the same children, now aged eight to 10 and only 32 per cent scored in the creative genius category. Five years later only 10 per cent of the children scored in this category. In tests of over 200,000 adults over 25, only two per cent scored enough to be classified as creative geniuses.

Divergent thinking tests measure an individual’s ability to generate multiple approaches to solving a problem. The tests typically use simple questions such as: what are the uses for a flower pot?

An average person would have 10 to 15 answers to this question. A genius of divergent thinking would come up with a hundred possible answers, and they do this by changing the concepts of already existing thinking – can the flower pot be 10 metres wide, or can it be made of rubber, and so forth.

So what really happens with the universal mental capability to think divergently? What happened to those 160,000 children during their school years?

The classic school model encourages students to adopt fixed mental models of how things work, discouraging creative thinking and problem solving. Mastering other people’s mental models seems to kill an individual’s ability to think divergently and wonder creatively.

We are all born with this capacity to think creatively but duringthe years of schooling, this capability deteriorates drastically.

Images: ddpavumba, samuiblue /freedigitalphotos.net

I’m OK and You Are OK: Effective and Ineffective Modes of Communication

Transactional Analysis is still one of the main corner stones of and updated by many modern communication and personality models (I am a certified coach of one of those, but not eager to write professional texts in English myself).

You can read the whole article here: Transactional Analysis /www.businessballs.com

Effective and ineffective modes of communication

Definition of ‘Effective’

By effective, we mean that:

  • a communication is likely to achieve the intended response or result. Information is received, necessary action(s) follow and good relationships are maintained or developed
  • communication will (if necessary and desired) be able to continue – either now or later
  • each party to the communication, whether they agree with each other (or not) or like each other (or not) maintains an I’m OK, You’re OK position.

Definition of ‘Ineffective’

By ineffective, we mean that any/all of the following apply:

  • the intended communication is not understood the person receiving the communication is themselves invited into a “not OK” position or invited to make someone else “not OK”
  • communication may be broken in some way and so does not continue, or it escalates to even more discomfort or misunderstanding for those involved. In extreme cases the rift may be permanent
  • what needs to be done is less likely to be done – or may be done incorrectly.

 Effective modesTA-modes-model-mountain

To help you understand the TA OK Modes Model and to avoid having to keep scrolling back up the page, the diagram is repeated alongside the explanation below. It’s the same diagram.

Note that the ineffective Modes are quite logical and easy to understand when seen as negative or unhelpful extremes of the correlating effective Modes. For example, being overly Supportive quite naturally equates to Interfering; Being overly Playful quite naturally equates to Recklessness.

Mindful Process – Not a Mode, this is a requirement or condition enabling effective Modes to be accessed/used. When we are operating mindfully, we communicate ‘OK to OK’ messages. We operate appropriately in the here-and-now and have access to the positive aspects of the care and structure we have received in the past and the experiences we had in childhood (Deelia: referring to the the parent, adult and child themes also explained in the article). As this Mindful process is here-and-now, we are able to choose which of the effective Modes of behaviour to draw from, dependent on the situation. When we are stable in this Mindful process we respond appropriately rather than ‘flipping’ or switching (generally unconsciously) into an Ineffective Mode.

Each of the effective Modes, dependent on the Mindful Process, communicate “I’m OK and You’re OK”.

Structuring Mode – This is the boundary setting Mode, offering constructive criticism. In this Mode we are caring whilst firm.

Supporting Mode – When in this Mode we are affirming and considerate.

Co-creating Mode – From this Mode we develop ways to help us live and work with others.

Playful Mode – This is the creative, fun loving, curious and energetic Mode. We can confront people playfully as a way of dealing with a difficult situation. This can diffuse a potential problem and get the message across.

When working with others we can choose where we come from (communicate from).

Effective communication happens when we are in a Mindful Process.

If someone else invites us, because of how he/she communicates to us, to go into an ineffective (red) Mode, importantly, we don’t have to go there, we can instead ‘cross the transaction’ and come from (respond from) one of the green Modes.

Ineffective modes

The ineffective (red) Modes all emanate from outdated experiences, which are not relevant or appropriate in the present.

Criticizing Mode – communicates a “You’re not OK” message. When in this Mode you will believe that others cannot do things as well as you can, or perhaps only certain chosen people can. If you lead from this position you are unlikely to develop a loyal supportive team or culture.

Inconsistent Mode – As a leader we might be inconsistent in our style – changing our behaviour in unpredictable and apparently random ways. This is not helpful for followers (or leaders).

Interfering Mode – communicates a “You’re not OK” message. When in this Mode the person will often do things for others which they are capable of doing for themselves. People who find it difficult to delegate might be in this Mode.

Over-adapted Mode – This expresses an “I’m not OK” or “I’m not OK and You’re Not OK” message. When in this Mode we over-adapt to others and tend to experience such emotions as depression or unrealistic fear and anxiety. When in this Mode we are unlikely to make good team members and will be highly stressed if we have to manage others.

Oppositional Mode – Even when opposing others, we are not actually free to think for ourselves as we are reacting to them in the belief that we need to ‘resist’ them. It is important to be clear that this is not simply about being in disagreement, but a style of going against whatever others put forward.

Reckless Mode – In this Mode we run wild with no boundaries. Here we express a “You’re not OK” message. At work we tend not to take responsibility for our actions and are unlikely to progress as we need a great deal of management in order to focus our energy and keep boundaries.

© Chris Davidson, Anita Mountain (Mountain Associates) original content and diagrams other than where stated, Alan Chapman edit and contextual material, 2000-13. Transactional Analysis theory was developed by Dr Eric Berne in the 1950s. The Blame Model was developed by Jim Davis TSTA. The OK Corral model was developed by Franklin Ernst. The 2011 Transactional Analysis OK Modes Model and diagram is © Mountain Associates, 2010-13. Please retain this notice on all copies.

Other links:

The Official ITAA Website

Transactional-Analysis, The Personality Tests of T.A. (link corrected)

Wikipedia

Nine Essential Qualities of Mindfulness by Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D.

ID-10063421“Most people these days are stressed out by the fast pace of life, economy, and worries about the future. In a recent survey, conducted in the UK, a whopping 86 percent agreed that “people would be much happier and healthier if they knew how to slow down and live in the moment” (Mental Health Foundation, 2010).  It is no wonder that mindfulness has rapidly gained attention in the popular press and is one of the few complementary medicine techniques to be offered in hospitals and clinics worldwide. But what exactly is mindfulness?” Read about the qualities of mindfulness here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201202/nine-essential-qualities-mindfulness

 

Image: Master isolated images /freedigitalphotos.net

As I Began to Love Myself – A Poem on Self Love by Charlie Chaplin

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Ambition In The City

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time
was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this
person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens
at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm.

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