A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally. Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness. – No, she replied, but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don’t. – Robert Benchley
Student: If I’m open minded, won’t my brains fall out?
Teacher: No, just keep your mouth shut at the same time.
If you believe in telekinesis, please raise my hand.
Says one woman to the other: – My son started to meditate. I don’t know what it is but it’s better than him sitting around doing nothing.
I am not young enough to know everything. – Oscar Wilde
A little girl asked her mother: – How did the human race appear? The mother answered, – God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made. Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered: – Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved. The confused girl returned to her mother and said: – Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys? The mother answered: – Well, dear, it is very simple: I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.
Disciple: Oh wise and all knowing one, take me to the realm of perfect peace.
Master: If I take you to that realm, it will no longer be peaceful.
The Yogi and the Pizza
The Yogi walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor and said: – Make me one with everything. When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said: – Don’t I get any change? The proprietor said: – Change must come from within.
Q: How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist?
A: A man who is at two with the universe
A student once asked Zen teacher Steve Allen: – If you were given a wish-fulfilling jewel, what would you wish for? – To stop wishing, replied Allen.
The Sunday School teacher asks: – Now, Johnny, tell me frankly: do you say prayers before eating? – No sir, little Johnny replies, I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook.
The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.